For many, having sex is easier than talking about it. Yet couples who claim to have great sex life are unanimous: A key ingredient in their secret sauce is communication. At first glance, the communication does not sound as sexy as wearing racy lingerie, learning a new trick or sex becoming an exhibitionist, but the simple act of the ability to communicate your needs and desires to build intimacy at high altitude. And if you do not talk about it, chances are that sexual dissatisfaction will infect other areas of the relationship.
Here is a step-by-step guide for discussing sex with your partner:
For Sex
* Clarify your problems to yourself. Before approaching the subject with your partner, you must clear about what your problems are. Sex is complicated, and your feelings might have as much to do with your history and your dissatisfaction with the technical delivery of your partner. Sit down with your thoughts for a while. Talk to your friends or write down feelings. This process will help you get clear before engaging in a sensitive subject.
* Get really familiar with your body. Make sure you have seen a number of treasure hunts (so to speak), done that, if you ask your partner to make, you can specifically do.
* Consider the location for your call. Education of sexual dissatisfaction in bed is a bad move, because it can be a union of negativity to create. Instead, choose a neutral, non-threatening place or activity (when you are fully clothed), as taking an evening walk or sitting on the beach.
* Timing is important. Raise concerns or ideas just before you are about to knock boots or minutes before the guests arrive for dinner is not good timing. Carve out a special time when you will be uninterrupted, so you can freely chat. Not bomb him after a hard day at work.
* Remind yourself that a good, solid, trusting partner cares about you and your sexual satisfaction. This means you can let go of fears and walk into the conversation with ease, knowing that this is a chance you two closer together.
During Sex
* If you're nervous, to state why it is difficult to talk about. Be honest about how you feel when the subject is raised, and why you think you know the feeling. Feel free to laugh here!
* Start with a general question like "What do you like about our sex life?" This opens a free dialogue to discuss all things beautiful and natural segue to the obstacles.
* Your own sexual needs, rather than cast blame for what you do not get. For example, instead of saying, "You do not spend enough time down there," saying: "I think, to reach a climax, I slow, stable stimulation. It usually takes a little time for me to come. "This approach invites him into the process instead of being on the defensive
* Enjoy his openness to listen and learn. Encourage him to any dissatisfaction he have, so you both the market share.
After Sex
* Provide positive feedback often. Reward progress and do not look for perfection. Men, especially, to hear that their efforts, as noted, they keep trying.
* Do not be shy. Continue conversations in the bedroom and explore together by playing show-and-tell each other to learn what brings you the most pleasure. When in the bedroom, only to focus on the positive.
* Keep an open dialogue about sex. Once you engage in sex, discuss what was great and what you both want to make even better. Be friendly and use the sandwich approach: a gentle critique sandwiched between two compliments.
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